As tough as it is to admit, relapses are a common part of the recovery process. Family, friends, and therapists understand this, but it doesn’t make the situation any simpler. If a loved one has recently relapsed, you’re probably feeling lots of emotions and wondering how to proceed.
First and foremost, the person who relapses needs to keep utilizing available treatment resources and tools. They also need encouragement. Read on to discover what to say (and what not to say) to someone who has relapsed. Understanding which words are helpful can assist you in navigating these challenging conversations and offering as much support as possible.
Need help overcoming a relapse? Call La Fuente at 888.903.9898.
What Is Relapse?
Relapse is when someone in recovery from alcohol or drug addiction begins using again after a period of sobriety. It can happen at any point and may last days or weeks. During this time, the recovering addict falls back into old habits. These include behaviors like spending time with drug-using friends, skipping support group meetings, and romanticizing their previous lifestyle.
It’s important to distinguish between a relapse and a slip. A slip is a brief, one-time event usually triggered by unexpected circumstances such as job loss or the death of a loved one. Those who experience a slip quickly return to sobriety without glorifying their past, unlike individuals in a full relapse who get stuck in old habits.
6 Things to Say to Someone Who Relapsed
Dealing with a loved one’s relapse can bring up a mix of emotions: anger, sadness, frustration, and more. Navigating these feelings is tough, and while you might have a lot to say, it’s important to be careful with your words during this challenging time. Here are six supportive things you can say to someone who has relapsed.
#1: This isn’t a failure
Relapsing certainly feels like a failure, but it’s a natural part of recovery. According to a 2011 study, more than 85% of people relapse and return to drug use within a year of treatment before achieving long-term sobriety. While your loved one may not want to hear the exact statistics, knowing they’re not alone in experiencing this setback can offer reassurance.
#2: I know you want to stay sober
You know your loved one decided to enter treatment to get sober. This decision shows their readiness for help and change. Acknowledge this and gently remind them of their brave commitment. Empathy is crucial in this situation, as validation and understanding can foster deeper communication and connection.
#3: I believe in you
Experiencing a relapse can be humbling or discouraging. People may feel that they’ve lost momentum or progress in recovery because of it. However, it’s important to remind your loved one that they’ve already proven their ability to get sober. They have the tools and skills needed for recovery, and your belief in them can strengthen their confidence. This reminder is especially impactful if they’ve previously maintained long-term sobriety.
Moreover, it’s helpful to emphasize that getting sober after a relapse is different from the first time. Now they know how to overcome triggers and manage challenging situations. They may also have a trusted therapist or healthcare provider to help them get back on track.
#4: I’m here to support you
People dealing with addiction often feel isolated and misunderstood. Reminding them that they’re not alone can provide comfort and support through this difficult time. Your loved one will appreciate spending time with you and knowing they can reach out for support through calls or texts.
#5: What have you learned from this?
Encourage your loved one to see relapse as a learning experience rather than a failure. From the experience, they may realize that they need to reevaluate their recovery strategies, strengthen support systems, and build resilience. Stay engaged in their progress by actively listening and asking follow-up questions to keep the conversation flowing.
#6: Do you need more support?
Depending on the situation, your loved one might need professional support to help them get back on track with their sobriety. If they’ve had a slip, they could consider booking extra therapy sessions, attending more support group meetings, or exploring outpatient programs.
However, if their return to drugs and alcohol looks more like a relapse, going back to a drug rehab facility might be the best decision. Treatment options vary, from weekly outpatient therapy to inpatient detox programs. Your loved one should choose based on the severity of the relapse and the level of support they need.
What Not to Say to Someone Who Has Relapsed
Knowing what not to say to someone who has relapsed is as important as knowing what to say. We’ll discuss this in more detail soon, but as a general rule, avoid blaming, shaming, or dwelling on what went wrong. These comments don’t support the person in recovery and could make the situation worse.
Here are three things you should avoid saying to someone who has relapsed.
#1: You were doing so well — what happened?
Relapses can be confusing for those on the outside, especially when things seem to be going well. It’s crucial to understand that addiction isn’t a choice; it’s a medical condition called substance use disorder.
Recognizing that substance use disorder alters the brain and consumes a person’s energy, thoughts, and time can help foster compassion in situations where anger and frustration are common reactions.
Instead of dwelling on the cause of the relapse, it’s more helpful to be proactive and familiarize yourself with your loved one’s warning signs. These signs vary from person to person but may include behaviors like isolation, mood swings, or glorifying drug or alcohol use. Speaking up if you notice warning signs can prevent future relapses and help your loved one recommit to their recovery goals.
#2: I’m disappointed in you
Feeling disappointed, angry, or frustrated is natural when you want your loved one to lead a healthy life. However, for many individuals in active recovery, blame, shame, and guilt can be as harmful as the substance itself. Your loved one is likely already being tough on themselves, and knowing someone else is angry could make things worse.
Instead, acknowledge the relapse as a minor setback and guide your loved one back to their relapse prevention plan. As for your anger, expressing it to a therapist or through journaling can provide relief without burdening your loved one.
#3: You should change your treatment program
Treatment methods vary, and your loved one likely had a role in choosing their preferred approach. You might believe that because of the relapse, the current treatment “isn’t working” and that an alternative approach would be better.
As tempting as it is to think otherwise, you can’t control someone’s treatment decisions. Ultimately, the most effective approach is the one that aligns with your loved one’s personal goals. This could mean opting for a less intensive method that includes alternative therapies, medications, or counseling. Even if you disagree, do your best to keep your opinions to yourself.
La Fuente Can Help Your Loved Ones Through Relapses
With more than twenty years of experience, we recognize how disheartening relapses can be. We’re here to assist both you and your loved one come back from this setback with renewed strength and dedication to sobriety. Together, we’ll help your loved one understand the reasons behind their relapse, develop healthy coping strategies, and create a detailed plan to prevent it from happening in the future.
La Fuente’s drug and alcohol rehabilitation programs include:
- Detox programs
- Residential treatment
- Intensive outpatient program (IOP)
- Partial hospitalization program (PHP)
- Sober living facilities
- Alumni activities
In addition to these programs, we offer a family program that provides addiction education, family therapy sessions, and an introduction to Al-Anon.
Call La Fuente at 888.903.9898 for information about these programs and more.
